love the way you lie

Have you ever read 'Wild Sargasso Sea'? it's quite interesting book especially when Jane Eyre is on theater! If you read Jane Eyre, you probably know 'Bertha' who is Mr. Rochester's wife and is described as a mad girl. well.. Bertha didn't take that big part of in Jane Eyre but have you ever been curious about why she went crazy? Wild Sargasso Sea is a story about Bertha who was named Antoinette actaully. Jean Rhy who is the author of this book give Bertha a voice that she can explain her madness and her story.

As a female reader, it wasn’t that pleasant to read ‘Wild Sargasoo Sea’. I couldn’t read it through well when I saw Rochester’s annoying behavior to Antoinette. It seemed like he was sucking her up and acted like he loves her even though he wasn’t. And in some certain kind of way, that makes her look like she was ruined by him. Furthermore there are some passage that shows her powerless and no desire to be happy. So it’s easy for the reader, especially female reader, to think of this book as a story of a woman who couldn’t resist her fate to being mad. However, as I reread this book I could find her actions to pursue her own happiness. She wasn’t that hopeless and she didn’t lose herself. She tried to be happy even though she said she decided not to.

Even though we could find couple of passages that implies her miserable fate, I could figure something different out from this story which is her signs to be happy. And those signs were kind of invisible and passive at the very beginning. When their horse died we can see that Antoinette ran away and did not speak of it for she thought if she told no one it might not be true. And this kind of passage is showed again when she was about to marry Rochester. She said “It was like that morning when I found the dead horse. Say nothing and it may not be true.” If she was ready and willing to accept her fate, wouldn’t be alright for her not to run away and to say something? So saying nothing was her own passive way to resist things that were going on in her life. She wanted to just close her eyes from what she was seeing, to ignore them and to live her life like whole new again.

But anyway she got married. And her action for being happy is getting wilder and more obvious. As she said earlier in this book “I was grateful and liked him. There are more ways than one of being happy, better perhaps to be peaceful and contented and protected”, Antoinette was happy when she was with her mother and Mr. Mason. Curiously for some reasons Rochester seems very similar with Mason. Just like how her mother’s marriage with Mason brought happiness in her life, maybe she thought she could be happy by maintain her own marriage with Rochester. Through that at least she could be peaceful and contented. Therefore this kind of idea of Antoinette reveals in her attitude toward Rochester. She only wanted to do what he liked and felt pleasant whenever he gave compliments to her. If you understand this attitude of her as just some crazy obsession of man’s love from really man-dependent woman, you got it wrong. ‘It was a song about a white cockroach. That’s me. That’s what they call all of us who were here before their own people in Africa sold them to the slave traders. And I’ve heard English women call us white niggers So between you I often wonder who I am and where is my country and where do I belong and why was I ever born at all.’ Antoinette doesn’t know how she is. She wasn’t sure about herself. Therefore through being loved by Rochester she wanted to identify herself as a loving wife. Nothing can be more frustrated than not knowing who we are. For her Rochester was where she belongs to and her identity not because of he is a man but because of he was everything she got. Going to Christophine is another way of her to keeping her marriage. Antoinette felt that her marriage was going to be apart so she wanted to do something and to figure something out. She was desperate for advice to fix her marriage. Since she knew that Rochester married her for money, she might have some stress about that even though it doesn’t have been appealed. And she maybe wanted to show the people around that her marriage wasn’t like that and show them how happy she is.

Drinking rum is her very big step for express her pursuit of happiness. It might bring her crazy but I guess her madness itself reveals her struggle to the world for being happy. Since she knew the world out there is scary, she needed something that might help her out. And for her, it was drinking rum. To get to be brave a lot of people still do that. Whether it turns out that rum made her crazy or not, still it was her method to talk with Rochester, to finally confess everything of her and to step up to the world. What she was fighting with and struggling with was the world that does not allow women to express how they feel about something. To shut up and accept what their situation was the virtue of women. That’s why Rochester said “You have never learned to hide it." When Rochester talked about justice Antoinette said she believed that word once but not anymore. What justice means in this book is an equal right to express feeling. People simply generalized her mother as a crazy mother rather understood her sadness of losing her son.

I believe Antoinette tried to fix her life. As long as I figured her actions to survive, I started to questioning to myself that what feminine novel has to be. Does it all have to be finished with successful ending of female character? What kind of successful ending then? Being rich or taking certain social position that could get some credit for? I think this novel reveals feminism by turning that kind of idea inside out. By showing how miserable one woman could be who was chasing for happiness which is not limited only by men, Jean Rhys wanted to say women has exactly the same right to pursue happiness and exactly same right to be frustrated and express their sadness. I was listening Rihanna’s song one day called ‘love the way you lie’ and couldn’t stop thinking of Antoinette.

 ‘Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there hear me cry, but that’s alright because I love the way you lie.’

Give little bit of Rhythms in Your Life!

I kind of had a hard time to figure out what I want to write about for my blog this week. Since I’ve been studying hard for my mid-term test, there was not really special thing going on my week. Therefore I figured out that I could write about the music that I’ve been listening.

I literally do love music so much. Music is something that has always been my interest and that, I believe, has huge influence on my character process. That’s why I’m keeping listening music and playing music with piano and bass-guitar.

 Especially I’m a huge fan of pop-song which means western music in Korea. I’d lived in Germany for 4years until 8 years old (in Korean age) and I met my first song in Germany that I found interesting for the first time. Surely I might have a lot of chance to listen songs before but as long as I remember this song was the first song that I tried to find out the meaning of that song and put that song on music-player by myself. And the name of that song is “Without you” from Mariah Carey. What's funny is that “Without you” was the song that I wanted to look for the lyrics of, but the lyrics that I actually found and thought as lyrics of that song was “All I want for Christmas is you”. Since I didn’t know any word of English, I read it in germen translated version and i was confused,i guess. The reason why I can remember this is that I’d thought “Without you” as a Christmas song for a while. :)

So I learned American pop song earlier than Korean’s and just because Mariah Carey was my first favorite singer I couldn’t help being her side whatever she did something stupid. Therefore surely I prefer Mariah than Whitney. haha :]

Even though she is my favorite, I’m listening more various kind of music from differeent musicians. For writing this blog, I just checked out my Mp3 player and I found out I have very little music of women artists compared with men artists. (Hm… interesting.. well…. Instinct, I gotta say! )Anyway, I am attending couple of literature class lately, like novel and comedy and stuff. So that makes me need to listen some calm or peaceful music so that I can concentrate on my reading. So there are several of good musicians that I recommend you to listen during work time.

 
If you are a foke person, I will recommend you to listen Jack Johnson, James Morrison, or Damien Rice. Their music are more relaxed than Jason Mraz or any one. It seems like they all have pretty similar style of songs but each of them has their own unique voice color. Personally I think James Morrison has the most fascinating voice color in the whole world! This guy can make bunch of money only with his voice! (well.. he do, actually)

If you need something to energize you up for a little bit, however, Keane and Coldplay are good too. I really love those two bends. To be honest, I love bend music! Bend music always make me high or too cheerful in certain kind of way. But the music that Keane and Coldplay are playing are not that “rock and roll” kind. What I really like about them is there is an excellent melody line in their song which goes well with piano. I like the way they use piano every properly.

I think it’s really important to know good musician who we can introduce to our child. Have you ever think about that or do you already have some certain musician in your mind? I believe music can keep our hear beating and keep us being sensitive. Especially music is needed in this kind of world that pushes us to be rational and could drive us crazy. Let’s just be a Human with Sensibility and Love with listening MUSIC! Keep Our Heart Warm!





Shoes for Tomorrow

 You might have seen a lot of people who wear ‘Toms’ today. Toms shoes is pretty big in Korea since couple of years ago. But the thing is Toms shoes is not just a trend issue, obviously it means more than that.

 Many children in developing countries grow up in bare foot. In bare foot, they are going to school and walking all the way through for water and everything. Since developing countries have path with not that good condition, the rough road makes the kid’s foot get hurt. It is easy for their foot to being cut and getting sores. For not having shoes, a lot of kids have been catching disease like podoconiosis. But what’s surprising is that it can be prevented only by just a pair of shoes. So what Toms keep emphasizing is ‘One for One’. ‘One for One’ means with every pair people purchase, Toms will give a pair of new shoes to the children in need.

 The 5^th of April was a day for ‘One day without shoes’. It’s kind of movement that try to bring people’s attention and make the situation with the kids around the world known. People go out in bare foot so that they can understand what the situation would be for the kids who don’t have shoes. And it’s not just ended with understanding, but they talk to the people around about the truth around the world and how we can make a difference. ‘One day without shoes’ is not just a event that is happening in Korean but also is happening in more than 1600 places in the world.

 I have participated in that event, One day without shoes, before when I was in Australia. I was in some kind of youth group program that people come from all around the world to participate. Even though it’s not official date for that event i walked with my friends the rough way in the bush nearby our home.

Later I found out that event would be held in Korean too, this time. Therefore I ask some of my friends to let’s be a part of it and we met in Nam mountain at 7:30pm. We climbed all the way through to N tower in bare foot! It felt weird at the first time but we all got used to it.

 I felt good to be a part of the good event like this! My attention could be just a small step and it’s almost invisible thing but I believe to be aware is something!